That Big Sass Energy

Here's the thing. I was raised with men, by men, have raised men of my own and, probably because of this, for many years I actively rejected the title of 'Feminist'. The term seemed to contain too many unwritten 'rules', too many contradictions and polarisations. I was never 'enough' of the militant energy portrayed in the media to qualify. Not enough...interesting.

I adore male energy and forever wanted to be one of the boys. Not to 'be' a boy but to be seen as equal to the blokes. Not so much to be desired by them, but to be valued by the same standard.

It has only been in raising my own gender fluid little warrior that I've come to realise this concept of 'value' as being central to my personal brand of feminism. My own understanding and comfort in the title has grown, as has the tribe of woman I surround myself with.

For me, there's a feeling of power in the strength we have as a collective. Of woman supporting woman, of men strong enough to support powerful woman. I don't fear the word anymore because I now know I'm enough. Just as I am.

Sass Queen, from our Sonny the Label brand, really came from this realisation of what feminine energy means to my tribe, to my kid, to my son's daughters. Here's a run down of what Sass Queen Energy means to us:

We don't see feminism as being action against men per say. Like we don't want to run off, divorce our Husbands, and live on a female only commune. Not everyday anyway. We see feminism as being 'for woman'. We love our men but we definitely do not need them. We CHOOSE who we have in our lives, our beds, our minds and what role they play. How cool is that? As one of my Queen's said recently, "My time of doing anything just to please a man is well and truly over, but I do expect them to know how to please me"!

Some consider us 'Sass Queens' as a bit 'naughty'. Mouthy, outspoken 'broads'. We however, see this as simply taking up whatever space suits us. We will not limit or shrink ourselves to fit someone else's idea. We do not act as a consequence of your presence. That means we swear, we drink, we laugh loudly and move our bodies in ways that feel good to us. And sometimes we are quiet, reflective, thoughtful. It's all good, however you want to roll.

We smile because it expresses something for us and not because we've been told 'it wouldn't hurt us to smile more', to make someone else feel comfortable. We can be loud, adventurous, clever, witty, content, supportive. Whatever and however the wind blows us authentically. We light up the room for ourselves and no one else.

Something I'm very firm about is that my life, and that of my daughter's, is not solely for the purpose of serving another. Whether that be husband, parents, or children.

Let me clarify a bit further. As a family, we do believe in the concept of 'service' and we instil a dedication to living a life filled with greater purpose which includes being of service to loved ones, community, and our County and Culture, but this is not (never) at the detriment of our own joy. Any service I choose fills my heart to the absolute brim because well, I choose it, and my own joy remains my number one priority.

Our tribe passionately cultivates interests, hobbies, work, travel, adventures, careers, and causes that are for us, and us alone. We see these passions as being central to who we are as well-rounded, interesting individuals.

There are no empty nests here or holes to fill when relationships end because we, on our own, are enough. To do this, particularly when you have a family, requires an equal distribution of labour for home tasks and care of children. It requires an equitable prioritisation of the things that makes each of a tick and is a juggling act for sure. But my passions have an equal seat at the table my friend.

The flip side of prioritising our own needs is that we don't feel it's our partners, our children's, friends, or our families, THE WORLD's, responsibility to fill our cups. Nope. You're all off the hook. I can fill my own cup and I love it when you add the bubbles, but I'm good with my home brew trust me.

I think Sass Queen's need a banger anthem like 'Do what you wanna do, be what you wanna be yeahhhhhhh' because it's the heart and soul of our belief system.

This my friends, also means accepting diversity. All diversity, not just the types of diversity you're comfortable with. Everyone is different and one thing I love about my own tribe is that we take you as you come and love every bit of you as long as you, in turn, respect us for who we are.

My kid only wears boys gear and beanies. Cool. It helps them to swim, surf, swing and run and wrestle, skate, climb trees and play footy. Fabulous! They aren't real sure who they want to be yet but our Groover knows whoever they end up being is absolutely perfect. Chef's kiss.

If you want to be a girly girl be the girliest girl the world has ever seen. If we want to wear a beanie every minute of every day - go hard. You want to be an artist, run a pub, build an empire, play footy, dress a certain way, love in a particular way, be a ballerina, bloody go for it hey! We're here for it. All of it.

We all have biatch energy but never with each other. In our tribe, we are the first to cheer each other on, promote, gush, spread the love. We know that supporting another woman does not diminish your own light, it only makes it shine stronger.

Look, I can't say I'm 100% behind every choice my girls make. There is a certain Queen (or two) with questionable taste in baby daddy's ,which perhaps could have been avoided with less vagina led thinking. We are upfront with each other. The difference is our intention.

We always keep each other safe but we never judge based on our own beliefs and values. Telling each other what we think and why is authentic friendship. Honesty with love. It's always about safety first - safe hearts, safe minds, safe bodies. If we think one of us is going to get hurt we generally invoke the circle. We ask ourselves, is this a values judgement or a shared concern.

Other than that, you do you babe! Have at it. Want to wear your undies to the corner store? Have at it! There's no judgement here. Just unconditional pure, unadulterated love.

Having experienced first, second and third hand the devastating effects of domestic and family violence on society as a whole I feel like this is underpins every single point outlined in this article.

We are not responsible for your self control, your temper, your actions, your words, your feelings...Just no. Be a grown up and leave us to shine our most amazing light.

We deserve a level playing field. Being a woman is not a 'special need' category so don't treat us that way. It is however, a group that experiences disadvantage in the work place, and the world in general, on a regular basis. Discrimination, increased risk of harm, violence and even death abounds. Evidence shows these ARE gendered issues.

To me, feminism is about the work needed to level this playing field. To allow each woman to feel safe, no matter how they express themselves. We are stronger together, supporting each other.

Our definition of Sass Queen is:

Wanna be a Sass Queen? You're all welcome.

Dare Ya!

Sunshine xx